“People think we're selfish,” Fiona Beutel says of herself and her husband Tony. “Sometimes they think we're joking when we tell them, and they have to ask twice whether we're actually serious!” Is this an admission of a drug problem, perhaps? Membership of a fundamentalist religious cult? A passionate love of acid-wash jeans? None of the above – Fiona and Tony simply don't want to have children. Having been married for almost four years, the hotel managers say they knew from the very first day of their relationship that they wouldn't want children. “I was a high school teacher and Fiona was a nanny,” says 32-year-old Tony. “As well as getting to know a lot of great kids, we also saw our fair share of dysfunctional kids and families. Also, as hotel managers we saw every kind of life form and some of them had five kids but shouldn't have even had a dog!” “We cherish our life together,” 30-year-old Fiona says. “We work together the whole time. We lived overseas for five years and hope to travel a lot more in the future. It would make life a lot more difficult and we'd spend a lot less quality time together if we had kids.” Australia is one of many developed nations experiencing a downward trend in birth rates. For some, including economists and politicians, this paints a very gloomy picture for our future. “It spells real trouble for our government,” says Bill Muehlenberg, National Vice President of the Australian Family Association. “With fewer taxpayers, the treasurer has to figure out how he's going to pay for the growing number of elderly citizens.” Australia's birth rate stands at 1.7 children per woman, and the replacement rate required to hold the current population steady is 2.1 births per woman. Compared to the birth rate in 1961, the current rate is less than half. Federal politicians are offering financial incentives to women who have children, with both major parties currently bickering over the amount. So why are more people than ever having less, or no, children? “Creating new life is something we're hardwired with,” Muehlenberg says. “Our biology, our destiny, our instinct, our evolution, everything in our background leads us to procreate. There's nothing wrong, though, with deciding not to have kids, but I think there's a bit of selfishness involved. More people these days just want to have fun and travel the world.” But it seems the decision not to procreate is often far from final. Dr Edith Gray, Research Fellow at ANU's Research School of Social Sciences, and her colleague Dr Deborah Mitchell, wrote a paper on a group of people who'd made the decision in 1997 to remain childless. Just 30.5 per cent stuck to their guns when re-visited in 2000. Over six per cent wanted one child, 33 per cent wanted two, 20 per cent wanted three or more and 10 per cent of that original group had already given birth! And who can blame them? The joys of parenting are hard to deny. Hospital doctor Aiden O'Loughlin and his wife Ashleigh, a clinical psychologist, are both 33 years old. Their daughters Cordella and Anjuna are 18 months and eight weeks old, respectively. “Kids are fantastic,” Aiden says. “It's the completion of a journey from meeting someone, settling down then having kids. It's the manifestation of a growing relationship.” For Aiden, the joy of being a dad is an experience worth any sacrifice. “I wouldn't go back to the time when I had no kids,” he says. “You fall so much in love with them that you realise it would be impossible to be without them. Every night when I come home Cordella welcomes me. I'll come though the door and she's waiting on the other side with a big smile.” Ashleigh agrees. “It's hard work and it has difficult moments, but it also has moments of pure joy. Kids shake up your life so much it's like a really great rollercoaster ride. You can't go back to the way life was before.” As CEO of motherinc.com.au, the number one parenting website in Australia , Claudia Keech meets more mothers than most. She has one child, a nine-year-old son, and her experience of being a mum has made her pro-children. She also understands that the concept of ‘family' means different things to different people in the noughties. “Parenting in the 21st century is about change, we're re-inventing the concept of a family,” she says. “For many women, children will come later, if at all. For some women that buzzer doesn't go off – they're not feeling the need to have children.” For most women, however, the buzzer goes off loud and clear, and no physical or financial expense is too great when it comes to having children. “I know of people who've finally succeeded on their tenth IVF treatment, and of couples where the mum couldn't carry the child so they've travelled overseas and used a surrogate mum. Some people are willing to try anything to have a child,” Keech says. Tony Park is the author of “Far Horizon” (Macmillan). The novel is set in Africa amongst poachers and wild animals. Over the last decade the 39-year-old freelance writer spent many months each year in Africa researching his novel while his 36-year-old wife Nicola, an HR consultant, studied Zoology at the University of South Africa. Their decision to remain childless came largely as a result of this lifestyle. “I'd call it a conclusion rather than a decision,” Tony says. “We both work on a freelance and that means seven days a week when there is plenty of work. The trade-off happens when work is quiet and we go overseas for three to six months a year. I do my writing and Nicola studies in an interesting environment. It's not a lifestyle to which you could introduce a child.” “Children are little people and they need the same socialisation as adults,” Nicola agrees. A whole lot of things about our lifestyle just wouldn't suit them. And Tony and I are a family unit in ourselves. We don't feel the need to have a child to make us a family unit.” The couple have experienced some fairly unusual reactions to their childlessness, particularly whilst travelling in the Middle East, where they were constantly asked what physical ailment stopped them from reproducing. Back home they say most are supportive of their decision, some are even envious. “Some people do ask whether we'll have kids when we settle down,” Tony laughs. “I tell them I'm perfectly settled. They ask when we're going to stop travelling and I tell them I'll stop when I die!” Keech believes that being responsible for a human's life, watching a child grow and experiencing the child's unconditional love are things which have a positive impact on anyone's life. “It shows you what's really valuable and you leave behind the trivial things that can occupy your mind when you're self-focussed,” she says. “Having had a child I look back and think, ‘Golly, I could have missed this.'”
What's so great about those who procreate? Claudia Keech, founder of motherinc.com.au, goes in to bat for the parents, while author Tony Park gives us five tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek reasons why it's best to remain childless. Having children is great because:
Not having kids is good because:
Kiddy Bank Doctors Trevor Breusch and Edith Gray, Research Fellows at ANU's Research School of Social Sciences, have been analysing the effect of children on a woman's lifetime earnings. From the data collected in 2001, their findings suggest: Upon the birth of her first child, a woman of middle education (up to year 12) will forego about 30 per cent of her lifetime income. That's an average of $220,000 (value in 2001) in a lifetime. After the birth of a second child she will forego another 15 per cent of her lifetime income, taking her foregone income up to $330,000. Her third child increases the amount to 50 per cent or $366,000. This is foregone earnings, before any money is spent on the child. Women with a higher education will lose slightly less proportionally, and those with less formal education slightly more. Many academic studies have been done on the cost of expenditure on children. Their results range from an 18-year cost of $100,000 to $250,000 per child. But as the Australian Family Association's Bill Muehlenberg points out, “With every cost there's a benefit. If you save that money you lose the benefit of someone to love and someone to love you.” © Chris Sheedy/the hard word |
